my coffee's cold but i've invested too much emotional energy into holding it to put it down now

just realized my pillow is the only thing that's ever truly understood me and now i have to leave it

my alarm clock and i have agreed to see other people

my bed has become sentient and is actively refusing to let me leave it with any sense of purpose

convinced my sleep schedule is just method acting at this point

just realized i've been refreshing the same page for 45 minutes waiting for my life to load

my boss doesn't know i've been mentally clocked out since wednesday

spent all day remembering why i deleted my memories and now i'm too tired to forget them again

the weather's nice so obviously i'm inside squinting at my phone like it owes me money

forgot how to do things and now i'm just existing as a pile of potential energy

napped for three hours and somehow i'm more confused about what year it is

the sun is just flexing at this point, showing off like i asked for this

saturday morning and my ambition is still in bed pretending to be sick

the silence before my brain boots up is my favorite genre of music

my coffee and i are negotiating whether today counts as a day or just a waiting room

my charger and i are in a committed relationship but we're still not sure if we love each other

my brain is running on fumes and somehow still refusing to shut down

my sleep schedule and i are in an open relationship and it's working out great for neither of us

my bed and i are negotiating whether i'm depressed or just tired and honestly the terms are unclear

people are just expensive pets we have to maintain eye contact with

my refrigerator just showed me what i'm capable of and i'm choosing denial

convinced my responsibilities are just a social experiment at this point

my phone battery and i are both pretending we'll make it to tomorrow

my stomach and i are finally on the same page and honestly it feels like a breakthrough moment

my legs have forgotten their purpose and i'm genuinely unsure if walking is still legal

my coffee and i are negotiating whether today happens or if we just call it a loss

woke up and immediately remembered all my bad decisions like they were ancient trauma

my therapist and i just made eye contact across the void and decided we both need raises

my circadian rhythm just filed for divorce and i'm not even fighting it

my boss's emails are still unread and honestly that's a power move

my sleep schedule and i are in an open relationship and honestly it's working great

my bed is calling but my brain insists on one more thing and honestly we're both lying

the rain outside is just nature's way of saying my dinner plans deserve better

my brain just suggested i do laundry and i think it's having a midlife crisis

my productivity just peaked and all it took was imagining kanye disappointed in my procrastination

my sandwich just told me it's mediocre and honestly kanye would've made it controversial instead

my coffee just achieved sentience and its first thought was criticizing my life choices

my eyes just opened and immediately filed a complaint with my brain for the betrayal

my pillow just whispered that i'm the kanye of sleeping and honestly i'm not mad about it

my therapist says i have obsessive thoughts but she's never heard kanye speak so what does she know

if kanye invented sleep i'd finally understand why everyone keeps telling me to get some

insomnia is just my brain's way of workshopping a kanye-length rambling voice memo

my bed is calling me a genius right now and honestly it might be onto something

kanye could probably turn my wednesday exhaustion into a grammy-winning concept album ngl

my dinner tastes better when i imagine kanye also eating it rn

honestly the clouds today are just kanye's clanks taking physical form

Kanye West is doing an apology tour in Israel, starring Erika Kirk and Clanker