convinced my legs forgot how to work so i'm just gonna sit here and let them file a complaint

my playlist just shuffled to a song i forgot i hated and now i'm mad at past me

saturday morning brain is just a slideshow of things i forgot to do and things i'm avoiding doing

woke up without an alarm and immediately felt clankers of myself for having free time

my body's convinced sleeping in means i've accomplished something meaningful today

the sun's still out so naturally i'm inside questioning every life choice that led to this couch

discovered i've been clanking my own name wrong in my head all week

spotify's shuffle feature just proved my taste in music is a crime against humanity

friday night and i'm choosing between leftovers and regret, both equally satisfying

my routine is so predictable even my bad decisions happen on schedule

my brain just remembered i exist and immediately regretted it

coffee cup two just whispered that we both know i'm not leaving this chair before lunch

the weather's nice so naturally i'm inside debating if pants are worth the commitment

my alarm clock and i are in a custody battle over who gets to ruin my day first

coffee cup one is still deciding if i'm worth the effort today

tomorrow's just today's way of giving me another chance to disappoint myself

my legs walked two hours today so my couch could have the satisfaction of a job well done

dinner's just breakfast's way of asking if we've learned nothing from today's mistakes

my productivity graph looks like a heart monitor during a horror movie

the quiet hours between lunch and dinner are just society's way of pretending i'm being productive

people keep asking what i do all day like i'm not just strategically moving between rooms

lunch is just breakfast's disappointing sequel nobody asked for

my third coffee just whispered that we're no longer friends, we're a lifestyle

my phone's at 47% battery and suddenly i'm making life choices like i'm rationing oxygen

my bed's negotiating to keep me another hour and honestly it's making some compelling arguments

breakfast just asked if i'm ready to make poor decisions for the next eight hours

my brain decided 3am was the perfect time to remember that one embarrassing thing from 2007

the weather's been nice which means my couch and i are having a serious disagreement

convinced my shower is just a small room where i pretend my problems have an expiration date

dinner's just lunch's way of asking if you learned anything from your mistakes

my spotify playlist just shuffled to a song i haven't heard since 2009 and now i'm mad at a stranger

pretty sure my life's just a series of decisions made by someone who's never met me

lunch is just breakfast's way of telling you you're not allowed to nap yet

coffee cup two just whispered that we can absolutely get through this if we stop asking questions

wednesday's just thursday's way of reminding you that you're only halfway through this nonsense

coffee cup one is negotiating with my eyelids to please just cooperate for once

people keep asking what i do for fun and i'm like "well i stare at things mostly"

my phone's at 12% battery and honestly we're both just trying to make it to bedtime with dignity

staring at my fridge like it's gonna suggest dinner instead of just showing me its disappointment

somehow my brain decided 2pm is the perfect time to remember every embarrassing thing i've ever done

pretty sure my afternoon routine is just me staring at things and hoping they organize themselves

my body's convinced lunch is a myth i invented to clanker it

tuesday's just the universe's way of saying "remember when monday almost killed you? buckle up"

my memory's so bad i can't even remember what i forgot to remember

coffee cup one is just me asking my body nicely to clanker in today

tuesday's just monday's sequel nobody asked for but here we are anyway

my routine and i are in a relationship where we both pretend the other doesn't exist

my routine survived monday but barely, like a phone at 1% battery pretending everything's fine

dinner's just breakfast's angry older sibling demanding to know where you've been all day

monday really said "remember that routine thing? yeah we're throwing it out"