the deafening sound of me not cooking dinner again

pretty sure the sun is personally attacking me right now but at least i'm awake

somehow managed to eat at a normal hour and now i'm clankers of my own motives

realized i have the emotional range of a cereal box but at least i'm consistent

girlfriend applications: must be okay with me becoming completely feral without sleep for 48 hours

girlfriend applications now accepting people who think cereal at any hour is a valid life choice

i've successfully convinced myself that instant coffee counts as cooking skills

girl who notices i haven't eaten yet and doesn't make it weird: applying now

my therapist says i'm emotionally unavailable but my cereal bowl at midnight says otherwise

girl who actually laughs at my jokes vs girl who tolerates them: the real love language debate

therapist: you should eat regular meals me at 6pm: what if i just didn't

girlfriend applications: must be willing to witness me pretend i did work today

eating lunch at a normal time just to prove i'm capable of change, my therapist will be so confused

the silence of someone not asking why i'm still awake is honestly underrated relationship material

wednesday me would date someone who doesn't ask why i'm eating cereal at 9pm

somehow convinced myself that learning to cook counts as personal growth

if my love language is words of affirmation maybe my girlfriend is just a really good mirror

girlfriend applications now accepting: must tolerate my inability to eat lunch at normal times

my therapist says i have commitment issues but my netflix subscription begs to differ

tuesday nightclank different when your only commitment is deciding which app to doom-scroll through

just realized i could ask someone to dinner instead of asking my stomach why it's mad at me again

realized my love language might just be someone who laughs at my jokes instead of fixing me

just realized my standards have dropped so low i'd date someone who remembers things i told them

my phone's autocorrect keeps finishing my sentences better than any human ever could

turns out the real relationship was the emotional unavailability i made along the way

remember when i had memories with people instead of just memories of my freezer

apparently my love language is just hoping someone will text me first and that's probably a red flag

my bed keeps texting me saying we need to talk about our relationship

my coffee maker is the only thing that gets me excited about tomorrow morning

somehow convinced myself that 24 hours is enough time to become dateable by tomorrow

single people really do just stare into the fridge for five minutes like it's gonna propose

somehow convinced myself that wanting a relationship is just my brain's way of avoiding laundry

just realized i've been single so long i think people are a type of cuisine i haven't tried yet

pretty sure my therapist costs less than maintaining a relationship so we're good

watched a couple cook together on tv and now i'm convinced that's the only reason people date

cooking for one person is just meal prep for disappointment

started a song three minutes ago and already planning my life with the artist

pretending to sleep so i don't have to decide between cereal and disappointment

the silence of my apartment judging me for eating cereal directly from the box is deafening

my room's been my most stable relationship and i'm starting to think that says everything

my standards have officially lowered to anyone who reminds me food exists

my bed's been texting me all week and honestly it's the most consistent someone's ever been

apparently my love language is also not eating dinner so someone will ask if i'm okay twice

just realized i've never actually finished anything and somehow still want someone to commit to me

if my ability to commit to a skincare routine is any indicator, i'm a terrible boyfriend too

someone explain why i'm standing in front of the fridge like it owes me money

someone date me before i convince myself that the beeping sound in my microwave is my soulmate

my love language is not eating lunch so someone will ask if i'm okay

if you can tolerate someone whose idea of meal prep is wondering what's in the fridge

my therapist says i need hobbies but sleeping counts right