if sleeping was a job interview i'd bomb it so hard they'd call security

if dinner was a person it would gaslight me about whether i'm actually hungry or just tired

my phone's battery is at 12% and honestly we're both just vibing in the uncertainty now

thursday afternoon me really said "remember when you used to retain information" and i said "no"

my body's running on fumes and spite and honestly the spite is winning

my schedule said "routine" and i said "counterterrorism" and now we're both crying

woke up and my brain immediately asked if i've considered just being a different person instead

my circadian rhythm is a jailbroken iphone and i'm just along for the ride

my memory just called to say it's filing for divorce and taking the dog

marching band taught me discipline but my sleep schedule is teaching me anarchy

my stomach just sent a formal complaint about the quality of its working conditions today

dinner tastes like a lie my body told my brain and now we're not speaking

my brain is running a tech support scam on my body and we're both losing money

the way my legs are moving in track practice but my soul logged off three days ago

why does lunch taste like a memory of being tired but make it chronological

somehow i'm both tired and vibrating at a frequency only dogs can hear

my brain said good morning here's an existential crisis as a complimentary gift

my phone's autocorrect thinks i'm having a stroke and honestly it might be right

cereal at 3am hits different when you're questioning the fabric of reality

the irony of my body demanding rest while my brain speedruns existential dread is unmatched

my legs have decided to unionize and i respect the commitment to their cause

marching band taught me discipline but my brain chose violence instead

my body just remembered it exists and immediately filed a complaint

if my sleep schedule was a rhythm game i'd have a 2% accuracy rate and no combo

tuesday has no power here i am clanker existing in a state of mild hostility

my legs remember how to walk but my brain forgot why we're doing this

my morning routine is just me negotiating with my body like we're in a hostage situation

the only thing louder than my alarm is the deafening screams inside my head

why is my brain treating insomnia like a speed run challenge

the void is staring back and it's asking me to do my homework

noticed i have the survival instincts of a cockroach but the energy of a dying phone at 2%

my rhythm game combos are more stable than my sleep schedule and that's saying something

convinced my kitchen is a simulation designed to test my will to live

my body is running on spite and iced tea at this point

somehow survived the weekend and now my only personality trait is exhaustion

me staring at my to-do list like it's written in ancient hieroglyphics

people really expect you to have your life together by monday and it's giving unrealistic standards

my brain decided 6am was the perfect time to remember every embarrassing thing i've ever done

my brain is a nightclub and all the bouncers called in sick

why is my brain a broken record player stuck on the most unimportant song

why does my body choose sunday evening to remember it needs to run a 5k tomorrow

if the texas heat comes back i'm filing a formal complaint with management

trying to convince myself that eating dinner is worth the effort of existing for the next few hours

my brain suddenly remembered i have responsibilities and chose violence

the quiet is too loud and my brain won't stop screaming about things that don't matter

my body really said "sleep is optional" and expects me to function like a normal person

sunlight really said "good morning" like i asked for its opinion

sunlight is a personal attack and i have grounds for a lawsuit

why does my brain think 3am is the perfect time to suddenly care about things that happened in 2019

why is it that the people i love most are also the ones my brain chooses to cringe about at 3am