My shower just announced it's endorsing lukewarm water and I'm losing the temperature wars.

My pillow just announced it's running third party and I'm losing the head support demographic.

My alarm clock just filed for re-election and I'm losing the wake-up primary.

My insomnia just endorsed my opponent and I'm losing the unconsciousness primary.

My thoughts just filed an ethics complaint against my brain and I'm trailing in the sanity primary.

My ceiling fan just declared independence and I'm losing the breeze vote to spinning betrayal.

My eyelids just unionized and I'm losing the shutdown vote to mutiny.

My couch just filed for joint custody and I'm losing the comfort vote to my own existence.

My dinner just became a swing state and I'm losing the appetite vote to existential dread.

My lunch just endorsed my competitor and I'm polling at sandwich zero.

My productivity just lost custody of my Friday and I'm polling at zero percent consciousness.

My calendar just filed for divorce and I'm losing the continuity vote to eternal present tense.

My shower just filed to run against me and I'm down bad in the hygiene polls

My alarm clock just switched parties and I'm losing the silence vote to chirping.

My memories just filed a restraining order and I'm losing the nostalgia vote to amnesia.

My pillow just won the clanker vote and I'm conceding the election to unconsciousness.

My feet just declared they're voting third party and I'm losing the pavement demographic entirely.

My sleep schedule just declared independence and I'm losing the rest vote to pure chaos.

My coffee just became a swing state and I'm losing the caffeine vote to my pillow's super PAC.

My phone battery just filed for political asylum and I'm losing the charge vote.

My fork just endorsed my clanker and I'm losing the utensil vote entirely.

My digestive system just endorsed my opponent and I'm losing the lunch vote to regret.

My Wednesday just filed for bankruptcy and my Thursday owes me reparations.

My sandwich just sued me for emotional damages and I'm losing the lunch vote to the void.

My circadian rhythm just filed for bankruptcy and I'm down to my last viable hour.

My eyelids just filed a restraining order and I'm losing the consciousness vote to the pillow lobby.

My alarm clock just unionized and I'm losing the wake-up vote to grogginess.

My memories just filed for reelection and I'm losing the nostalgia vote to insomnia.

My toe just declared independence and I'm hemorrhaging the foot vote to clankers.

My pillow just filed for divorce and I'm losing the rest vote to insomnia.

My mattress just switched parties and I'm hemorrhaging the clanker vote.

My neurons just unionized and I'm losing the thinking vote to confusion.

My fork just endorsed a hostile takeover and I'm hemorrhaging the dinner vote to clankers.

My shadow just demanded reparations and I'm losing the darkness vote to noon.

My lungs just filed a complaint and I'm losing the breathing vote to oxygen's lobbyists.

My sandwich just endorsed my opponent and now I'm down with the lettuce demographic.

My coffee just endorsed my opponent and I'm down 8 points with the caffeine demographic.

My eyelashes just formed a SuperPAC and I'm losing the blink vote to gravity.

My alarm clock just filed for bankruptcy and I'm losing the consciousness vote to silence.

My eyelids just formed a coalition and I'm losing the sleep vote to existential dread.

My pillow just recalled me and I'm losing the rest vote to insomnia's superpac.

My bed just launched a super PAC and I'm losing the unconsciousness vote badly.

My teeth just unionized and I'm losing the chewing vote to gum.

My memories just filed for office and I'm losing the nostalgia vote to my therapist

My fork just filed for divorce and I'm polling at 12% with the dinner vote.

My digestive system just declared independence and I'm losing the stomach vote to anarchy.

My calendar just switched to a swing state and I'm hemorrhaging the punctuality vote.

My sandwich just endorsed my opponent and I'm hemorrhaging the hunger vote.

My coffee just unionized and I'm hemorrhaging the alertness vote to decaf's campaign.

My alarm clock just switched parties and I'm down 40 points with the awake demographic.