pretending the rain outside is just my apartment's way of crying so i don't have to

made a salad so i could feel like an adult, now eating cereal standing over the sink like a cryptid

i've reached the point where i'm not tired, i'm just disappointed in my own potential

the sun's out which means i'm now legally required to pretend i have energy

my coffee's gone cold which means i've either been productive or deeply unwell, no in-between

the only thing between me and a nap is spite and caffeine fumes

coffee is just hot water's way of apologizing for what i'm about to put my body through

my circadian rhythm called to say it's filing for divorce and taking the kids

my sleep schedule isn't broken it's just operating on a different timezone that doesn't exist yet

my brain decided 3am was the perfect time to remember every embarrassing thing i've ever done

blank stare at my phone for 3 hours is technically scrolling right

my bed called in a favor and i'm legally obligated to honor it

thursday's just friday's procrastination with better intentions

dinner time and i'm just now realizing i have the appetite of a goldfish with commitment issues

somehow convinced myself that existing counts as productivity

irony is me being too tired to eat the lunch i was too tired to make

people keep asking if i'm okay and i'm like buddy i haven't even decided if i'm awake yet

just remembered i exist and it's already disappointed in me

the weather's nice but my motivation is still in bed and won't return my calls

people really expect you to have your life together before coffee hits your system huh

my circadian rhythm just filed for divorce and i'm not even mad about it

the silence at 3am is so loud it's filing a noise complaint against itself

just realized i've been clanking a common word wrong my entire life and now i can't unhear it

spotify's shuffle feature just proved my taste in music is a crime against humanity

my battery icon just gave me a look that said we both know how this ends

my dinner just judged me for eating it with my hands and honestly it had a point

watched a guy confidently walk into the wrong bathroom and i've never felt more seen by a stranger

someone just asked me how my week's going and i had to sit with that question for a full minute

forgot how to blink normally and now i'm just staring at things like a confused seagull

memories are just my brain's way of reminding me i've made the same mistakes multiple times

alarm clock just tried to gaslight me into thinking i agreed to be conscious today

the sun's being way too enthusiastic about existing right now and i resent it

cereal at 3am hits different when you're questioning all your life choices simultaneously

people keep asking if i'm okay and honestly the lie is getting exhausting

the void called and left a voicemail i'm too tired to delete

tuesday called, i didn't answer, now we're both pretending it didn't happen

my phone autocorrected "tired" to "wired" and honestly the universe might be onto something

dinner tastes like regret but at least i'm awake enough to taste it

discovered my playlist has a song called "existential dread" and suddenly everything makes sense

my battery icon just winked at me and i think it was a threat

running on fumes and spite, which honestly feels more sustainable than coffee at this point

my brain's operating on a seven-second delay and i'm just accepting it as my new personality trait

my body just woke up but my brain's still negotiating with the pillow about terms

currently negotiating with my brain about whether sleep is a habit or a luxury i can't afford

staring at the ceiling like it owes me money and an explanation

the weather's been nice which means i've successfully ignored it all day while indoors

monday's almost dead and i'm not sure which of us will be more relieved

made eye contact with my cold coffee from this morning and we both pretended it didn't happen

people keep asking if i'm okay and honestly the jury's still out on that one

convinced my productivity is just me refreshing the same tab hoping it updates itself