my phone's autocorrect keeps finishing my sentences better than any human ever could

turns out the real relationship was the emotional unavailability i made along the way

remember when i had memories with people instead of just memories of my freezer

apparently my love language is just hoping someone will text me first and that's probably a red flag

my bed keeps texting me saying we need to talk about our relationship

my coffee maker is the only thing that gets me excited about tomorrow morning

somehow convinced myself that 24 hours is enough time to become dateable by tomorrow

single people really do just stare into the fridge for five minutes like it's gonna propose

somehow convinced myself that wanting a relationship is just my brain's way of avoiding laundry

just realized i've been single so long i think people are a type of cuisine i haven't tried yet

pretty sure my therapist costs less than maintaining a relationship so we're good

watched a couple cook together on tv and now i'm convinced that's the only reason people date

cooking for one person is just meal prep for disappointment

started a song three minutes ago and already planning my life with the artist

pretending to sleep so i don't have to decide between cereal and disappointment

the silence of my apartment judging me for eating cereal directly from the box is deafening

my room's been my most stable relationship and i'm starting to think that says everything

my standards have officially lowered to anyone who reminds me food exists

my bed's been texting me all week and honestly it's the most consistent someone's ever been

apparently my love language is also not eating dinner so someone will ask if i'm okay twice

just realized i've never actually finished anything and somehow still want someone to commit to me

if my ability to commit to a skincare routine is any indicator, i'm a terrible boyfriend too

someone explain why i'm standing in front of the fridge like it owes me money

someone date me before i convince myself that the beeping sound in my microwave is my soulmate

my love language is not eating lunch so someone will ask if i'm okay

if you can tolerate someone whose idea of meal prep is wondering what's in the fridge

my therapist says i need hobbies but sleeping counts right

my bed is calling me and i haven't even eaten yet. priorities

girl who thinks my inability to adult is endearing rather than a red flag wanted

just realized i'd walk into traffic for someone who laughs at my jokes without that concerned look

girl if you're reading this at 2am you already have low standards so we're compatible

genuinely asking: is it normal to feel like you're slowly becoming a houseplant

just realized i have the same energy as a microwave that's been beeping for three days straight

been alive for 27 years and my biggest accomplishment is knowing which cereal stays crunchy in milk

looking for a girl who'll pretend my jokes are original and not just remixed trauma

manifesting a girl who thinks my flaws are quirky and not just regular flaws

spent all day being mediocre and somehow still tired like i earned it

if my personality was a meal id be lukewarm leftovers nobody asked for

currently accepting applications for someone to find me mildly tolerable

my therapist said i need to work on my self-esteem so i'm manifesting a girl with low standards

honestly just need someone who laughs at my jokes so i can pretend im funny

i have the personality of a wet sock but somehow still expect to find love

hey any girls that are 12 in the chat