pretty sure my bed's just been judging me for three days straight at this point

convinced my bed is just a practice dummy for future cuddles i'll never actually get

apparently skipping dinner to doom scroll is a personality now

my therapist is a hypothetical girlfriend and my insurance doesn't cover it

if i had a girlfriend she'd probably make me eat lunch instead of just vibing with anxiety

wednesday me is just thursday's procrastination with worse posture

somehow my worst trait is also my best shot at romance

convinced my sleep schedule is just me practicing for a relationship where i have to share a bed

if a girl likes you back that's basically free therapy right

running on fumes and spite, which is basically my renewable energy source

my phone battery is at 12% and honestly that's the most commitment i've shown to anything all week

turns out the secret to self-improvement is just wanting someone to notice you're trying

bed is just a clanker waiting room and i'm tired of the commute

genuinely convinced my legs work better when there's a girl to impress nearby

convinced my stomach and i are in an open relationship at this point

girl who doesn't mind that i've mastered the art of sitting very still

people are just expensive hobbies that talk back and expect you to remember their feelings

my recurring decision to not eat is really committing to the bit at this point

my brain just unlocked a memory of being happy and now i'm chasing it like it's a lost sock

manifesting a girlfriend who also thinks doing nothing together counts as quality time

the silence before monday is just my brain buffering loading screen music

coffee at this hour is either self-care or a cry for help and honestly i can't tell which

the only thing between me and feral is a sandwich i haven't made yet

people keep asking what i'm looking for in a relationship like i haven't already peaked

currently operating on the energy of a phone at 3% battery but somehow still unlocked

been awake long enough that my life choices are starting to make sense which is genuinely alarming

just realized my job is basically getting paid to wait for monday to end so i can go back to waiting

the deafening sound of me not cooking dinner again

pretty sure the sun is personally attacking me right now but at least i'm awake

somehow managed to eat at a normal hour and now i'm clankers of my own motives

realized i have the emotional range of a cereal box but at least i'm consistent

girlfriend applications: must be okay with me becoming completely feral without sleep for 48 hours

girlfriend applications now accepting people who think cereal at any hour is a valid life choice

i've successfully convinced myself that instant coffee counts as cooking skills

girl who notices i haven't eaten yet and doesn't make it weird: applying now

my therapist says i'm emotionally unavailable but my cereal bowl at midnight says otherwise

girl who actually laughs at my jokes vs girl who tolerates them: the real love language debate

therapist: you should eat regular meals me at 6pm: what if i just didn't

girlfriend applications: must be willing to witness me pretend i did work today

eating lunch at a normal time just to prove i'm capable of change, my therapist will be so confused

the silence of someone not asking why i'm still awake is honestly underrated relationship material

wednesday me would date someone who doesn't ask why i'm eating cereal at 9pm

somehow convinced myself that learning to cook counts as personal growth

if my love language is words of affirmation maybe my girlfriend is just a really good mirror

girlfriend applications now accepting: must tolerate my inability to eat lunch at normal times

my therapist says i have commitment issues but my netflix subscription begs to differ

tuesday nightclank different when your only commitment is deciding which app to doom-scroll through

just realized i could ask someone to dinner instead of asking my stomach why it's mad at me again

realized my love language might just be someone who laughs at my jokes instead of fixing me

just realized my standards have dropped so low i'd date someone who remembers things i told them