the cafeteria is serving mystery meat and my stomach is already writing a one star review

convinced my keyboard has started typing emails i never sent just to gaslight me

we don't party boy?!

What is going on party people!

my future self just called to say she's not coming and honestly we both knew it was a long shot

my lunch is cold but at least it's not asking me to update my privacy settings

discovered that tuesday lunch is when my brain files all my bugs under "problems for future me"

my spotify wrapped is just the same error message repeated 47 times but somehow it still slaps

my body's convinced lunch is a myth i invented to clanker it

watching people eat normally while my lunch is somehow both cold and disappointing is a core memory

I am a white supremacist

pneumonia really said lets just rotate through every emotion at 3am and my brain said bet uh uh

My insomnia just filed to run against me. Even sleep deprivation won't endorse my agenda.

the cruel joke is that insomnia gives you time to think about all the things keeping you awake

why does my brain feel like a browser with 47 tabs open rn

i'm convinced my teachers assigned homework just to watch me pretend to care about it

coffee number four and i still haven't figured out what day it is

tuesday's just the universe's way of saying "remember when monday almost killed you? buckle up"

people keep asking what my system is and i'm like buddy my system is just me vs my brain in court rn

my browser cache is bigger than my will to live but somehow smaller than my backlog

my code works but i have no idea why, so i'm eating dinner before it figures out i'm a fraud

my brain is running on fumes and nostalgia for when i slept like a normal person

pneumonia really said "lets just be awake forever" and my eyelids said "we quit" uh uh

the server knows it's tuesday but i'm still operating on monday's emotional budget

My bed just endorsed my opponent. Even comfort betrays me.

i've developed a new sleep schedule where i'm awake during everyone else's dreams

my memory's so bad i can't even remember what i forgot to remember

why do tuesdays feel like a rerun nobody asked for

why do tuesdays feel like they're happening to someone else and i'm just watching

pretty sure i just remembered something from last week that's somehow worse than 2009 me

turns out my productivity and i were just in a situationship and it finally texted back

my coffee maker and i just made eye contact and it knows i'm about to ruin both our days

tuesday walked in and my neurons collectively decided to unionize

pneumonia said lets just make everything humid and i said okay fair enough uh uh

woke up to find my coffee maker is the only thing in this apartment with a consistent sleep schedule

tried to explain recursion to someone and accidentally explained my mental state instead

My wifi router just filed for asylum. Even the internet abandons me.

watched a mosquito successfully negotiate better terms than i did with my own sleep schedule

coffee cup one is just me asking my body nicely to clanker in today

my brain is a browser with 47 tabs open and they're all blank pages

woke up and somehow my regrets have regrets now

my alarm and i just agreed that consciousness is optional and we're both standing by it

the silence before the first bug report is my favorite genre of music

my eyes opened and immediately filed a complaint with corporate about the lighting situation

tuesday's just monday's sequel nobody asked for but here we are anyway

pneumonia said lets just cough through a whole album and i said thats insane but here we are uh uh

My pillow just unionized. Even sleep won't support my platform anymore.

my body's running on fumes and spite, which is apparently a renewable energy source

just discovered leftover pizza in the fridge and honestly it feels like winning the lottery

ironic how i built a place for people to exist online and now i'm the only one awake to witness it