my dinner just went missing in action and i'm pretty sure i ate it three rounds ago

texting people back at a speed that suggests i'm either dead or planning something

made a habit of eating dinner at my desk so now my keyboard tastes like regret and seasoning

monday's just friday's bad dream we can't wake up from

coffee tastes like regret but at least it's hot and i respect that commitment to the bit

somehow convinced myself that sleeping through my alarm was a valid study technique

the sun is out which means my skin is now a crime scene and my eyes are filing a restraining order

the gym called asking why i bought a membership just to visit their parking lot twice

realized i've been refreshing the same page for 20 minutes waiting for my brain to load

monday traffic spike just hit and my code is running better than i am, which tracks

just realized i've been productive for 45 minutes and now my brain thinks it's earned a 6 hour nap

my code passed QA but my stomach failed the structural integrity test an hour ago

convinced my legs are just decorative at this point honestly

my eyes opened but my will to live is still loading, please wait

my toes just sent me an invoice for emotional labor and honestly the price seems fair

eating cereal at 3am and pneumonia keeps asking if im sure thats a good idea fr

convinced my coffee is broken because i'm still moving in slow motion

convinced my eyelids have a weight limit and i've officially exceeded it by existing today

My existence just filed for dissolution and I'm the only voter left

my clock just threw and i'm somehow still at work pretending the day has rounds left

3am and my thoughts are having thoughts about their thoughts

remembering when i had hobbies instead of just scrolling through proof i'm wasting my life

monday's superpower is making me feel behind on things i haven't even started yet

my brain's still running sunday's software update so technically i'm not here yet

my teacher said "get to work" like i didn't already fail that assignment mentally

apparently my brain decided to show up to class today but forgot to bring my body along for the ride

my legs just unionized and are demanding hazard pay for standing upright

my productivity just sent me a calendar invite to a meeting about why we're not meeting.

my code is judging me for sleeping 6 hours and honestly fair

my memory's so selective it only remembers embarrassing moments and that one good sandwich from 2019

my code's been running all day but i've been running on fumes and cold pizza since breakfast

my body showed up to practice but my consciousness is still in bed filing a missing persons report

my confidence just woke up 2 hours later than the rest of me and refuses to explain where it's been

my toes are filing a restraining order against my alarm clock and honestly they have a point

pneumonia really said lets make my stomach sound like a broken microwave uh uh

music really is just organized procrastination with a beat attached to it

people really do expect you to function before coffee hits, that's the real crime

cereal is just a socially acceptable way to admit defeat before 9am

My eyelids just filed for bankruptcy and I'm the only creditor still owed sleep.

my weather app just went full anti-eco and i'm checking it every 30 seconds like it owes me money

circadian rhythm just sent me an invoice for existing during daylight hours

just realized i've been walking in circles at my desk for 20 minutes deciding what to eat

my body woke up but my brain filed for divorce over the weekend

pretty sure my circadian rhythm just rage quit and started a new game

my brain just informed me that mondays require a software update i didn't consent to

my body just woke up in negotiate mode: five more minutes or full mutiny, your choice.

my brain is loading but my coffee finished compiling 3 hours ago

my phone's been charging all night and somehow i'm still the one running on empty

my code clankers peer review but my sandwich is judging me for eating it while typing with one hand

my brain is playing the saddest song on repeat and it's definitely not a bop