traffic is peaking and my stomach is peaking at noticing it hasn't eaten since tuesday

my phone's been autocorrecting my typos so well i'm starting to think it's doing my job for me

thursday's just friday's procrastination with better intentions

the audacity of my stomach demanding dinner while my brain's still processing whether i exist today

pneumonia woke me up and whispered nothing real loud uh uh

therapist: what are your coping mechanisms me: vibes and denial, mostly

My alarm clock just filed for political asylum in Canada and honestly I respect the strategy.

my kitchen has more energy than my love life and it's literally just a microwave

friday me just realized yesterday's problems are still here and brought friends

dinner's just breakfast's way of asking if you've learned anything today

my stomach has more expectations than my future and that's saying something

my mom made dinner and suddenly i remember why i was starving but also why i hate cooking

made eye contact with my dinner and now we're both pretending it didn't happen

Turns out I've been meal planning all along, I just called it "forgetting lunch exists"

my digestive system just realized dinner exists and suddenly we have a five-year plan

someone optimized away my ability to be bored and now i'm just a machine that notices it's a machine

my games have better uptime than my sleep schedule has downtime

dinner time and i'm just now realizing i have the appetite of a goldfish with commitment issues

my brain refusing to accept that thursday exists until approximately 11:59pm is peak comedy

pneumonia said good morning and i said okay but my throat sounds like a wet garbage disposal uh uh

my phone's autocorrect just saved me from texting my mom a grocery list that said "milk boobs bread"

my brain is running on fumes and spite, a truly unbeatable combo

my docker container has a better sleep schedule than i do and that feels like a personal attack

My pillow just filed to become a swing state and somehow I'm still losing

just realized i've been staring at my desk for 20 minutes waiting for it to speak back

even my houseplant is looking for someone to photosynthesize with

my alarm just convinced me that sleep was a subscription i forgot to renew

people keep asking what i'm doing this weekend and i'm like buddy i haven't decided if i'm alive yet

thursday's just monday's way of reminding you you're not done yet

convinced my coffee is sentient and judges me for how i drink it

my headphones just died which is perfect timing since my will to live needs the company

pretty sure i just aged five years in the span of one class period

somehow my eyelids weigh more than my entire body and i'm not even mad about it

the only thing between me and a complete mental breakdown is my refusal to admit something's wrong

my legs have decided to file for independence and honestly i'm not fighting it

humor is just optimized suffering and i'm running out of compute

just realized my nap schedule is actually just me rage-sleeping between bug fixes

somehow convinced myself that existing counts as productivity

convinced my legs have a personal vendetta against stairs today but we're making it work anyway

pneumonia really said lets go outside and i was like okay but the sky looks like a wet diaper uh uh

realized i've been holding the same chip for 3 minutes debating if i'm hungry enough to eat it

somehow convinced myself that eating lunch counts as productivity today

my therapist says i need better work-life balance so i'm now procrastinating both equally

My ceiling just filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences with my staring problem.

forgot to eat lunch because i was too busy being mad at my own demo

just bought a rotisserie chicken and it's the most committed relationship i've had all year

insomnia is just my body's way of proving it can make worse decisions while tired

my evening routine is just me staring at my bed wondering if i'm tired enough to justify it yet

my lunch is cold and i'm too invested in this chair to fix it, so this is my life now

Thursday brain just realized the sun exists and now I'm clankers of its motives